20 Back-to-School Questions to Help Kids Feel Connected, Confident & Ready
The backpack is packed. The school supplies are labeled. You’ve figured out drop-off, lunch, and what time everyone needs to wake up. But there’s another kind of back-to-school preparation that’s just as important: Connection.
Before a new school year, kids can experience a whole mix of emotions. Excitement. Nervousness. Curiosity. Disappointment. Confidence. Uncertainty. And sometimes all of those feelings exist at the same time.
As a child therapist, I encourage parents to use the days leading up to school as an opportunity to get curious—not just about what their child needs to do for school, but about how they’re feeling about it. You don’t need a big, serious conversation to make that happen. Sometimes you just need a good question.
Why Back-to-School Conversations Matter
It’s tempting to reassure kids quickly when they express a worry.
Your child says: “What if my teacher doesn’t like me?”
And we immediately respond: “Of course your teacher will like you!”
Or they say: “I’m nervous about recess.”
And we answer: “You’ll be fine. You love recess!”
We’re trying to help. But sometimes our reassurance accidentally ends the conversation. Instead of immediately trying to make the worry disappear, get curious.
“Tell me more about that.”
“What part feels the hardest?”
“What do you think would help?”
You’re showing your child: Your feelings are safe to talk about with me.
Don’t Ask All 20 Questions at Once
This isn’t an interview. Please don’t sit your child down the night before school and announce: “Okay! I have 20 questions for you.”
Instead, sprinkle these conversations into everyday moments.
Try one while you’re:
Driving in the car
Eating dinner
Shopping for school supplies
Taking a walk
Getting ready for bed
Packing their backpack
Sometimes children talk more easily when we’re doing something alongside them rather than sitting face-to-face waiting for an answer.
Questions About Excitement
Start with what’s going well. These questions can help your child think about the parts of school they’re looking forward to:
What are you most excited about for your first day of school?
Who are you looking forward to seeing at school?
What do you think will be the best part of your school day?
Is there an outfit you’re excited to wear?
What is one thing you want to tell your friends about summer?
Starting with excitement can make it easier to move into some of the harder topics later.
Questions About Worries
Instead of asking: “Are you nervous?”
try leaving the door open.
Instead ask: “Is there anything you’re a little nervous about?”
Then listen. You can also ask:
What can you do if you feel nervous at school?
Who could you talk to if you needed help at recess?
How will you know when you need help with something?
What feelings do you think you might have on the first day?
These questions aren’t meant to create anxiety. They’re an opportunity to help your child think through situations before they’re in them.
Questions About Friendship
For many kids, the biggest back-to-school worries aren’t academic. They’re social.
“Will my friends be in my class?”
“Who will I sit with?”
“What if someone is mean?”
“Who will I play with at recess?”
Try asking:
How do you think you’ll make new friends this year?
Who are you excited to see?
Even good friends can be mean sometimes. What could you do if someone is being mean?
Who could you ask for help if something happened with a friend?
You don’t need to solve every possible friendship problem ahead of time. You’re simply reminding your child: If something happens, you have options—and you can always talk to me about it.
Questions About Growth & Independence
A new school year is also an opportunity for children to think about who they’re becoming.
Try asking:
What do you hope to learn this year?
What’s one goal you have for yourself?
What activities are you interested in trying?
What’s the best way I can help you organize your schoolwork?
These questions shift the conversation from: “Here’s what you need to do this year.”
to: “What do YOU want this year to look like?” That small shift gives children ownership.
Parenting Scripts
When children answer these questions, try not to immediately correct, reassure, or problem-solve.
Instead of: “There’s nothing to be nervous about.”
Try: “That makes sense. What part feels the most uncertain?”
Instead of: “Just ignore them if they’re mean.”
Try: “That sounds really hard. What are some things you could do if that happened?”
Instead of: “You’re going to have a great year!”
Try: “There might be really fun days and hard days this year. You can always talk to me about both.”
Instead of: “Don’t worry. I’ll take care of it.”
Try: “Let’s think about what you could do first, and remember I’m always here if you need help.”
Therapist Tip
Don’t measure the success of the conversation by how much your child tells you. Some kids will answer every question.
Others will shrug and say: “I don’t know.”
That’s okay. Connection isn’t created by forcing children to talk. It’s created by consistently showing them that when they’re ready to talk, we’re ready to listen.
You may ask a question today and hear almost nothing. Then three nights later, while you’re tucking them into bed, they’ll suddenly tell you what’s been on their mind. Leave the door open.
FREE DOWNLOAD
Print this flyer, save it to your phone, or keep it somewhere you’ll see it during the weeks leading up to school. The printable includes all 20 conversation starters about first-day excitement, worries, friendships, asking for help, teachers, goals, and feelings. Remember—you don’t have to ask them all.
One good question + a parent who genuinely listens can create a powerful moment of connection.
Remember
You don’t need to have one perfect back-to-school conversation. Think of communication as something you’re building all year long.
Ask. Listen. Get curious.
And remind your child through your words and your actions: Whatever happens at school, you can always talk to me about it.
My Favorite Family Finds
TINCAN Phones for Kids
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Camp Snap Screen-Free Camera: Use code: KATIE-P7 for 7% off your order!
A fun, screen-free camera kids can use to capture their own adventures, vacations, school-year moments, and everyday memories—without handing them a phone.
Time Timer
One of my favorite visual tools for helping kids see how much time is left. Great for morning routines, homework, getting out the door, screen-time transitions, clean-up, and more.
My Back-to-School Favorites
All the things I love for making the school year run a little smoother—from lunch and organization favorites to routine helpers, kid essentials, and tools we actually use at home.
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