20 Questions to Ask Your Kids Instead of “How Was Your Day?”

You pick your child up from school. They get into the car.

You ask: “How was your day?”

And you get: “Good.”

So you try again. “What did you do?”

“Nothing.”

“Who did you play with?”

“I don’t know.”

Sound familiar? Here’s the good news: Your child probably isn’t intentionally shutting you out. “How was your day?” is actually a really big question.

Why “How Was Your Day?” Is Hard for Kids to Answer

Think about everything that happened during your child’s school day. They transitioned between activities. Learned new information. Interacted with teachers. Navigated friendships. Managed frustration. Played at recess. Ate lunch. Solved problems. Experienced dozens of emotions. And then we ask them to summarize all of it with: “How was your day?” That’s a lot.

For many children, it’s easier to retrieve a specific memory than summarize an entire six- or seven-hour experience. That’s why changing the question can completely change the conversation.

Ask Questions Kids Can Actually Answer

Instead of asking your child to evaluate their entire day, give their brain somewhere specific to look.

Instead of: “How was school?”

try: “What was the best part of your day?”

Or: “Did anything happen today that made you laugh?”

Suddenly, your child isn’t searching through their entire day. They’re looking for one moment and one moment often leads to another.

Ask About More Than Academics

When parents think about school, we naturally think about learning and ask: “What did you learn today?” Your child’s school experience is about so much more than academics.

It’s also about: Friendships. Belonging. Confidence. Mistakes. Independence. Problem-solving. Fun. Frustration.

Instead of only asking what they learned, try asking:

• Who did you eat lunch with today?

• Who did you play with at recess?

• Did anyone make you laugh?

• How were you a good friend today?

• Did you help anyone, or did someone help you?

• Was there a moment when you felt proud of yourself?

These questions give you a much fuller picture of your child’s world.

Ask About the Hard Parts, Too

Connection doesn’t mean only talking about the good things. We want children to learn: Our family can talk about hard things, too.

Try questions like:

• What was the most challenging part of your day?

• Did anything make you feel frustrated?

• Was there a time you felt left out or lonely?

• If you could change one thing about today, what would it be?

Then resist the urge to immediately fix it. Sometimes your child needs your solution. But sometimes they simply need your attention.

Make Room for the Good Stuff

We also want kids’ brains to notice moments of joy, competence, kindness, and connection.

Try some of these questions too:

“What happened today that made you proud of yourself?”

“What did your teacher do that made you smile?”

“What are you thankful for today?”

“What’s something you want to remember about today?”

These questions help children slow down and notice the small moments that can otherwise disappear.

Don’t Ask the Second They Get in the Car

This one matters. Your child may have spent the entire school day: Listening. Following directions. Socializing. Learning. Managing emotions. Sitting still. Problem-solving.

And then they finally see you. They may not be ready to talk. Give them some space. Offer a snack. Turn on music. Let them stare out the window. Connect without requiring conversation. You can ask your question later at dinner, during bath time, on a walk, or before bed. Connection doesn’t have to happen at pickup.

Parenting Scripts

If you tend to get one-word answers, try changing both the question and your response.

Instead of:“How was your day?”

Try: “What was something that made you laugh today?”

Instead of: “What did you learn?”

Try: “What was the most interesting thing you learned today?”

Instead of: “Did you have a good day?”

Try: “What was the best part? What was the hardest part?”

Instead of immediately saying: “Why didn’t you tell your teacher?”

Try: “That sounds hard. What happened next?”

Instead of: “You should have…”

Try: “Do you want me to listen, or do you want help figuring out what to do?”

That last question can be especially powerful. It tells your child: I’m here to support you, not take over.

Therapist Tip

Here’s one of my favorite ways to get kids talking: Answer the question yourself.

Instead of firing questions at the dinner table, say: “Something happened today that made me laugh…”

Tell your story. Then ask: “Did anything make you laugh today?”

Conversation feels very different when everyone participates. You’re not interviewing your child. You’re building a family culture where everyone shares about their day.

FREE DOWNLOAD

Keep these questions on the refrigerator, save it to your phone, or pick one question each night at dinner. The printable includes 20 specific prompts about learning, friendships, laughter, frustration, pride, gratitude, recess, teachers, and more. You don’t need to ask all 20. In fact, please don’t! Choose one. Listen to the answer and see where the conversation takes you.

Remember

The goal isn’t to get a detailed report of everything your child did at school. The goal is bigger than that. You’re creating a relationship where your child learns: My parent is interested in my world. My parent listens when I talk. I can share the fun stuff—and the hard stuff. Some days that might lead to a twenty-minute conversation. Other days you’ll still get: “I don’t know.” Keep asking. Keep listening. Those small conversations are building something much bigger than an answer to “How was your day?”They’re building connection.

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